Good (?) Morning!

I have days that are filled with rainbows, sunshine and unicorns frolicking by and twitching their golden mane...this, this was NOT one of those mornings...and the only one left twitching is me.

Let's go back 16 hours to the end of my fantastic day with my family and a very pleasant afternoon next to the river and eating food that can only be consumed at harvest time and calories that I choose not to count because when given in sample form you are just "sampling" to see if it's worth really getting down and dirty and really eating it.

My face smeared with Nutella and banana crepes I happily left with munchkins and oyfriendbay for the hour ride home plus a few stops. I sent the kids to the porto-johns as I looked on knowing that the only way I could walk through those blue walls was if my asshole were going to fall out right there in the midst of the belly dancers and hand dipped corn dogs. Something about looking into a hole with other peoples poo, knowing that your shoes are going to touch the piss layered plastic flooring and your ass fat is probably going to slip off the ass gasket and get trapped in a only-seen-with-naked-eye bacteria laden crack in the seat....I'll hold it.

Well after 70 miles of driving, picking up my car from the mechanic and going to the grocery store because the law requires me to feed my children, that bacteria infested seat wasn't looking so bad, in fact...another 5 miles later I would have flirted with it and invited it to meet my parents!

I made it 4 blocks away before my bladder started getting really excited. It was like a 13 year old boy at a Beyonce concert excited. I actually think I may have had a contraction or two! I pleaded with it, I lied to it, I thought of images that would take my mind off of it...I hit the driveway at a rate of speed that isn't legal and was actually a bad idea with the contents of my bladder reaching max PSI. I threw open my door, left my kid in the back seat and peed (just a little) as I leaped over a Labrador, chucked a 5 year old and simultaneously pulled down my pants and sat on my un-bacteria laden toilet seat in sweet sweet bliss.

And so begins my morning from hell.

To be continued...

*EDIT* Okay I suck, that morning sucked, it all sucked. Maybe next time I write a "To be continued..." blog post, I can actually un-suck at finishing it!